Xander awoke disoriented, unsure
of what he was hearing.
"n...no, no, stop, please stop"
Was that Spike? Xander rolled over and looked to where the Vampire was asleep in the chair. The blond was thrashing slightly, moaning and whimpering in his sleep. Xander levered himself up out of bed and approached the sleeping Vampire carefully.
Spike cried out, "no, please,
Concerned now, Xander placed
a hand on Spikes shoulder and shook him gently, "Spike, Spike wake up, its just a dream."
The contact must have spooked the dreaming Vamp, because the next thing Xander knew, Spike had vamped out, and
he was flying across the room, slamming into the wall with a loud 'Oomph!' as the breath was knocked out of him.
Apparently he was hurt enough to set off the chip, because one minute Spike was half awake, looking around confusedly,
and the next he was on the floor, clutching his head as he screamed in pain.
Xander crawled gingerly over to the blond and pulled him into his lap, stroking Spike's hair and rocking him gently
as the pain-wracked vampire whimpered brokenly. Xander was really scared now;
he'd never seen Spike react like this before. He began making soothing noises,
trying to calm the vampire.
"Shh, Spike it's okay, it's
just me, just Xander. You're safe; you're here in the basement, nothing's wrong. It's okay."
The soft babble seemed to calm
Spike and eventually he stilled and looked up dazedly into concerned brown eyes. "Are...are
you okay? What happened?"
Xander smiled and released the
blond, letting him sit up and lean against the couch.
"I'm fine, you were having
a nightmare, must have been pretty bad. When I tried to wake you up you lashed
out, and it set the chip off."
Spike groaned and rested his head
in his hands, "Gah, I feel like I've been hit by a truck."
Xander tentatively placed a hand
on the Vampire's shoulder and squeezed gently, "It must have been pretty bad, wanna talk about it?"
Spike stiffened and tried to shrug
the hand off, "It's nothing, just a bad dream."
"Spike, you were screaming
in your sleep. It wasn't nothing."
Spike growled and turned his back
on the boy.
Xander eyed the stiffly
set back and tried another approach. "You know, I'm not exactly a stranger to
Spike shrugged his shoulder
and continued to stare off into space.
"Did I ever tell you, when I was
a little kid, my dad used to beat me?"
Spike stiffened and turned surprised
eyes on the human.
Xander barreled forward
with his story. "For as long as I can remember, he hit me. The littlest thing would set him off. No matter how hard I
tried to be good, how hard I tried to please him, nothing worked. All I wanted
was for him to be happy with me, I wanted him to love me, take care of me, be a real dad, but he never was. I used to show up to school so bruised, I'm still surprised that no one ever called Child Services."
Spike was wrapped up in the story,
hardly blinking as he stared at the human bearing his soul to a soulless Vampire. "Wh...what
happened?" Spike barely breathed the question.
Xander smiled a sad smile, his
eyes filled with an old pain. "Well, once Buffy moved to town, and Willow, Jessie
and I started helping her, I started to believe I was worth something. Saving
the world once or twice does that for you. Anyway, when I was about 17 I hit
him back. Something in me just broke, and for the first time I got angry, really
angry at him. So I hit him back. And
he just stopped. He never bothered me again after that. But I still have nightmares about it sometimes. The worst
part about them is the feeling of total helplessness, I know that I'm not helpless now, but in the dreams I still feel like
I'm five years old and unable to fight back."
Spike drew in a deep breath
and looked at his clenched hand. Slowly, in a monotone, he began to speak.
"Angelus hated me. When I was first turned, he almost staked me, but Dru wouldn't let him. Unfortunately Dru was too sick to take care of me proper, so Angelus took over as my sire. I wasn't much as a human, but when I got vamped, I got cocky, thinking I was king of the world. I wouldn't listen to a thing Angelus said, wanted to be my own man.
Angelus couldn't let a whelp like me show him up, so he set about breaking me of it."
Spike smiled a sickly smile at Xander, "Angelus' forte was torture, he was good at it. Not just physical torture, but mind games too. Anyway, he
found out that I was a..." the next word was mumbled and Xander couldn't hear it.
"Spike," Xander touched his clenched
hands gently, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
Spike sighed, "He found
out I was a virgin, alright? Breaking in virgins was one of Angelus favorite
games, its even better when his victims a Vampire cuz Vampires heal up and return to their pre-turned state."
Xander stared at the Vampire in
shock. Finally he did the only thing he could do, he wrapped his arms around
the blond and drew him against his chest, stroking a hand through the blond locks. "I'm
"S'alright," Spike shrugged,
but didn't extract himself from Xander's embrace. "It happens, pretty common
among Sire and Childe actually. Anyway, that's why I wigged a bit when the girls
started teasing, s'not you, I just don't like being reminded, and decades of being forced turns a guy off some things, ya'
They sat like that for what
seemed like hours, Spike allowing himself to be comforted, Xander content to just stoke his hand through blond hair and whisper
the occasional soothing comment. Finally Xander shifted slightly, a groan escaping
his lips as his leg reminded him that when a limb falls asleep, it hurts.
Spike sat up, blinking as
if he hadn't realized where he was.
"Okay blondie, floor times
over, I think my butt fell asleep."
Spike laughed and offered
a hand to pull Xander up off the floor.
Xander glanced at the chair
Spike had been sleeping in, then over to the bed. "You know, the mattress is
old and sucks, but its queen sized, plenty of room and a little more comfortable than that chair. Just friends and all, you know."
Spike grinned at that, but
then looked away in embarrassment, "Nah, chair's fine, better than the stone slab I've been sleeping on, at any rate."
Xander shrugged, "Suit yourself. I'm going to bed though."
They settled themselves
in and Xander was just drifting off when he heard Spike whisper, "Thanks Whelp."
Xander fell asleep with a smile
on his lips.