"It's okay Xander, she wasn't right for you anyway."
"We still love you Xander, and none of us liked her very much
"You'll get over her soon Xander, and then you'll find someone
even better! "
That last was from Tara, though Xander was still staring at Willow,
a little surprised by what she had said about not liking Anya.
The Scoobies were all gathered at Buffys house, watching movies
and gorging on junk food. It was the fifth hour of the 'Help Xander get over
the evil ex-demoness who broke his heart' party, and festivities were in full swing.
Willow and Tara were curled up together on one end of the sofa, with Xander sprawled out on the other end. Buffy was sitting in one recliner snuggled in Riley's lap. Dawn was
sprawled out on a pile of pillows on the floor. Surprisingly, even Giles was there, perched gingerly in the other armchair. Pizza boxes and candy wrappers were scattered everywhere, it was in fact almost
exactly like their normal research sessions, only missing the sniping commentary from the bleached blond vampire who had not
been invited on account of not being very good at cheering people up. Plus he
said he didn't want to come to such a girlie party anyway. Anya was missing too,
but that was the whole point of needing the party in the first place. Xander
grinned happily at his friends, not minding their fumbled attempts to comfort him.
Truth was, he wasn't all that broken up. "S'okay." Xander took a big swig from his soda and grabbed
a candy from the pile in his lap. "I'm actually not that upset about it."
A round of 'awww, isnt he brave' sounds met that last remark.
Xander pushed on with what he had to say. "Actually, I am glad for the chance to move on and try new things, meet new people."
Willow looked expectantly at Xander, "Do you already have someone
new in mind? Who is she? "
Xander shook his head at his friend, "Nope, no one special in
mind. I'll let you know as soon as I have a new, inappropriate crush picked out. And who knows, the next object of my affection may not even be a she. I've been thinking about trying out the whole gay thing, 'cuz you know, my track record with the ladies
hasn't been so great..."
Dead silence and frozen stares met his comments, and Xander actually
began to worry that his friends had been frozen in time. "Um, hello? Guys? Snap out of it."
Giles was the first to 'snap out of it'. "Ex-excuse me, Xander? Would you mind repeating what you just
said? Because it sounded an awful lot like..."
"Yes, Giles, I did say that I thought I might be gay."
"Ah, yes, and what exactly has brought you to that decision?"
"Yeah," Buffy interrupted, "Is there some boyfriend you've been
hiding from us?"
"No, no boyfriend, no sneaking around behind your backs, nothing
like that. It's just," And now Xander suddenly wished the soda in his hand was
a beer, he wasn't usually this open with anyone, and it was making him uncomfortable.
"It's just that ever since high school, when Larry came out, it's kinda been in my mind that I might be..."
"But Xander, you've never, I mean, usually you're all into the
girls." This last a tentative interjection from Willow.
Xander reached over and squeezed his best friends hand, "Yeah
I know Wills, but now since you've got the whole liking girls thing covered, I figured it was time to explore other options."
Willow and Tara both blushed bright red, and the room broke out
into hysterical laughter.
It took a few minutes for everyone to recover, but when the laughter
had mostly died down Xander was able to gasp out, "No seriously guys, it's just a hypothesis at this time. If it makes you all more comfortable we can just say Im bi, until the theory has been tested."
This brought a few more giggles and Xander relaxed back into the
embrace of the couch, glad that at least this little revelation wouldn't cost him his friends, not that he had thought it
would, but still... Shaking off the last of his fear he grabbed the remote, "Okay
guys, what's next, Aliens? Die Hard? Oooh,
I know, what about Tomb Raider, Angelina Jolie is cute!"
Buffy grinned at him, "Oh come on Xander, wouldn't you rather
watch Indian Jones? Harrison Ford is awfully sexy."
Xander blushed slightly at that, but managed to look miffed as
his friends laughed at him, "I'll have you know that I prefer blondes." The reference
to Anya sobered the group up and Xander was about to apologize until he noticed the evil gleam in Willow's eye. Oh Shit, Xander thought, paybacks a bitch.
"So Xander," Willow began sweetly, staring at him with big innocent
eyes, "You prefer blondes. Does this mean we should fix you up with Spike?"
The room erupted into laughter intermingled with the occasional
Xander pretended to actually consider the option, then made a
face. "No thanks, I'm afraid necrophilia just isn't my thing."
The produced a pissed, 'Hey!' from Buffy, as the rest laughed
"Seriously Buffy," Xander continued, "Isn't it weird, with you
know, the whole body temperature thing?"
Buffy looked embarrassed
and Riley came to Buffy's rescue, threatening a laughing group with evil things before he and Buffy retreated into their own
little world, kissing and making little noises at one another. Finally Dawn made
gagging noises and threw a pillow at the couple, and the group happily settled down for the next movie.
A few days later found them all together again, this time including
Spike, spread out around Giles living room, hunkered down over ancient books researching yet another upcoming apocalypse. Xander was so absorbed in trying to make out what exactly the two demons in the picture
were doing that he didn't notice the evil grins that Buffy and Willow shared.
"Yeah Buff, what's up?"
"Willow and I were just wondering, theory been tested yet?"
Xander felt himself blushing a deep crimson.
Spike noticed too, "Bloody hell, Whelp, you look like a bleedin
lobster. What've you got your panties all in a bunch about?"
Buffy and Willow started laughing, "Actually we were wondering
who managed to get him out of his panties."
Spike looked confused and Xander tried to replace his look of
mortification with one of not caring-ness. "For your information, no, the theory
has not been tested yet."
The girls just laughed some more.
Spike seemed to finally catch the gist of the conversation, "Lay
off the whelp, you two. Bloody hell, he's just been dumped by the bint, give
a man a chance to recover."
To Spikes surprise, Xander managed to look more mortified, and
the two women broke into even more hysterical laughter. "What the 'ell has gotten
in to you two? Yo Rupes, I think these two have been put under some sort of curse
Giles looked disapprovingly at the group, "Oh no, I am not getting
in the middle of this. Leave me out."
Spike stared at the watcher before turning back to the Witch and
the Slayer, who were now just lying in a heap on the couch gasping for air. The
Whelp, he noticed, was trying to hide behind his book.
Willow was the first to regain her breath, "It's good to know
you care about Xander,
Spike." She began
to grin evilly, "Because we were all thinking, seeing as how Xander had mentioned that he prefers blondes, and with you being
so cute and available and all, that you two would make a lovely couple."
What the redhead had so innocently suggested didn't
quite all sink in at first, and Spike began to preen from the complement, "Well, yes, I am quite shaggable..." Suddenly Spike
trailed off and turned a look of gaping astonishment on the innocent looking witch.
"What did you just say?"
Buffy smiled, "Just that you and Xander would make a lovely couple. Didn't you hear the big announcement, Xanders gay, or so the theory goes."
Spike was dumbfounded, he looked from Buffy, to Willow, to Xander
who was trying to hide again, and back to Buffy. "He..he's what?!"
Xander sighed and threw down his book, glaring his best evil glare
at the again hysterical girls. "You are both so dead." He turned to the more-pale-looking-than-usual Vampire, "I'm gay Spike, probably."
The Vampire scooted back away from the boy, "Youre...gay?" the last word came out more as a squeak than anything else.
Xander frowned at the blonde.
"Yeah, so what?"
Finally Spike seemed to find his voice, he stood up and angrily
gestured at the grinning girls, "And what, exactly did they mean when they said we'd make a good couple?"
"Relax blondie, they were just teasing you."
Spike stomped across the room, "Well they can bloody well stop
it, because I. AM. NOT. A. POUF!"
The whole room was staring in silence at the outraged Vampire.
"But Spike," came a tentative query from Willow, "we thought,
I mean, being a Vampire and all, that gender wasn't really an issue..." the redhead trailed off.
Spike threw up his hands in exasperation. "Do you lot believe everything you read? Sure for some it's
not, but for some of us it is! And I'll thank you to not go spreading rumors
like that about me, my reputation in this town is damaged enough, what with me hanging around with you lot, I don't need every
demon and his brother thinkin' I'm a bleeding fairy!" With that impassioned speech
the angry Vampire stomped out of the house and into the night.
The Scooby gang stared at each other. Buffy spoke first, "Well I don't believe it, is Spike actually?"
Willow nodded, "I think he's homophobic!"
Xander met their stares with his own best evil smile, "This is
gonna be so much fun!"